Three ways to ask good questions

Ask questions to dig deeper and uncover feelings

If you have a hard time picking stories out of thin air, this method may be for you.

A team is not a group of people who work together. A team is a group of people who trust each other

When we know our sacrifice or allocation of time is appreciated, we give it more willingly.

If you think back to the time when you joined the organization, what inspired you most? What inspires you to keep coming back?

WHATs are products, services and job functions we perform. HOWs are values, guiding principles and actions that make us stand out. The WHY defines what the organization stands for—it is the collective purpose, cause or belief.

The reason to articulate a Nested WHY is the same reason an organization would want to articulate the big umbrella WHY—because it gives people a sense of identity and belonging. It allows teams and groups to identify with the people they work with every day. It helps them understand their unique contribution as a distinct group to the larger vision

It is possible for someone to be in the right company but in the wrong nest. This can hurt their performance, morale and self-confidence. Helping them to know which city to live in, which nest to join, or in which group, team or subculture they best fit is part of the jigsaw puzzle of building a thriving organization.

An organization that’s highly dysfunctional—perhaps as the result of a merger, acquisition or some other development—is not operating at its natural best. It likely has no unified sense of purpose, which results in a group of individuals or silos trying to advance their own interests.

A leader should supply a new WHY when the company’s original purpose has been completely destroyed by years of misuse and abuse. The best scenario in this situation is for the leader to complete an Individual Why Discovery.

The Tribe Approach requires a facilitator. The ideal person for this role is someone trusted by the organization who has a desire to serve, a strong natural curiosity and an ability to ask probing questions.

Relax and let your partner identify the themes. You are the storyteller. Your partner is the interpreter

your partner is focused on listening and recording and has the benefit of objectivity. They are often hearing the stories for the first time, free of complicating factors such as personal history, insecurities or ego. That’s the reason the themes tend to be more obvious to them

And that brings up the second thing to watch for, which is a distinct shift in your friend’s focus. At some point, they will stop describing you and seemingly start describing themselves

Chances are that the themes and patterns that emerge from the Friends Exercise will be similar to, if not exactly like, those you and your partner uncovered during the Why Discovery process. But maybe your friend used a word or phrase in talking about you that you like better.

The Tribe Approach is intended for any group that wants to articulate their common purpose, cause or belief—to put into words what an organization’s culture is like when it’s operating at its natural best, even if the organization is not currently performing at that level

We define a “tribe” as any group of people who come together around a common set of values and beliefs. A tribe can be an entire organization or a small team.

An organization has a WHY. And within an organization are teams—subcultures that exist within the larger group. Each of these parts within the whole will have its own WHY.

We don’t have a professional WHY and personal WHY. We are who we are wherever we are.

Here’s how Simon Sinek expresses his WHY: To inspire people to do the things that inspire them so that, together, we can change our world.

find your WHY you need to pan for gold in the river of your past, recalling stories of your life and career from which your significant themes can emerge.

In our experience, spouses, close relatives and best friends have a hard time being objective

Sharing feelings is a very important part of the process. The goal is to help them express the feelings and emotions they felt at the time. It’s really hard to connect with a feeling when we speak in generalities. We can’t stress enough that the stories your companion shares need to be very specific.

In addition to the recurring themes that you’ll listen for in each story, there are two other main components to look for: contribution and impact. These are the building blocks of the final Why Statement—the contribution the person makes to the lives of others and the impact of that contribution over time.

If you ask a question and feel they are struggling to answer, let them struggle. Though your inclination may be to help fill in the silence, don’t. Resist the temptation to fill the silence with another question or a suggested answer. Instead, just wait.

And set aside enough time—at least three hours. Yes, that’s a big commitment, but there is no shortcut to discovering your WHY. Think of it as working out. The more time you put into it, the more you get out of it.

If the event meant something to you, helped you become who you are, taught you something or made you proud, write it down.

The goal of the story-gathering exercise is to end up with at least five stories that you consider the most impactful of your life.

Our WHY is an equally versatile tool, with applications both narrow and broad. We can use it to ace an interview or inspire our team.

We can go through life hunting and pecking, looking for opportunities or customers, hoping that something connects. Or we can go through life with intention, knowing what our piece looks like, knowing our WHY, and going straight to the places we fit.

It’s easier to hire someone based on their résumé. It’s harder to hire someone for their cultural fit. The reason is pretty obvious. We usually hire because we have a job that needs to be done

If you’re an entrepreneur, discover your WHY so you can communicate what is singular about your company to your employees and clients or customers.

If you belong to a team or division within an organization, it will likely have its own subculture. In some cases, articulating that team’s WHY, the unique contribution the team makes to the organization, can be very powerful.

Reconnecting with your past to discover your WHY can be fun in that same kind of way. As you pan for your stories and share them, themes will start to emerge, insights about yourself or your team that you may never have expressed before.

Eventually, you will put your Why Statement into this format:
TO BLANK SO THAT BLANK

The first blank represents the contribution you make to the lives of others. The second blank represents the impact of your contribution.

Every organization—and every person’s career—operates on three levels, as shown in the illustration on the next page: What we do, how we do it, and why we do it. We all know what we do: the products we sell, the services we offer or the jobs we do. Some of us know how we do it: the things that we think make us different or stand out from the crowd. But very few of us can clearly articulate why we do what we do.

WHY goes much deeper to understanding what motivates and inspires us. It is the purpose, cause or belief that drives every organization and every person’s individual career. Why does your company exist? Why did you get out of bed this morning? And why should anyone care?

Leading with WHY has a deeper, more emotional and ultimately more influential value.

Companies that inspire, companies that command trust and loyalty over the long term, are the ones that make us feel we’re accomplishing something bigger than just saving a buck

Once you understand your WHY, you’ll be able to clearly articulate what makes you feel fulfilled and to better understand what drives your behavior when you’re at your natural best.

Fulfillment is a right and not a privilege. Every single one of us is entitled to feel fulfilled by the work we do, to wake up feeling inspired to go to work, to feel safe when we’re there and to return home with a sense that we contributed to something larger than ourselves. Fulfillment is not a lottery. It is not a feeling reserved for a lucky few who get to say, “I love what I do.”

For those who hold a leadership position, creating an environment in which the people in your charge feel like they are a part of something bigger than themselves is your responsibility as a leader.

Regardless of our rank in the organization, every single one of us has at least one colleague, client or vendor for whom we can take some responsibility for how they feel when they work with us.

If Start with Why makes the case for the WHY, Find Your Why provides the steps to show people how to actually do it.

Your vision is only actionable if you say it out loud. If you keep it to yourself, it will remain a figment of your imagination.

We don’t necessarily find happiness in our jobs every day, but we can feel fulfilled by our work every day if it makes us feel part of something bigger than ourselves.

One of the hardest things to predict about finding your WHY is how long it will take. In chapters 3 through 5, we outline the process for individuals and tribes, and estimate, based on our experience, approximately how much time each step will take.